there are more than two genders
there are more than two sexes
some people have no gender
all genders are valid
all sexes are valid
having no gender is valid
static gender is valid
dynamic / fluid gender is valid
absent gender is valid
binary sexes and genders are valid
nonbinary genders and sexes are valid
sex and gender are important to some people
sex and gender are unimportant to some people
invalidating another person’s gender or sex is fucking rude and if you do it you are an asshole
I don’t see what’s so freaking wrong with them.
Some girls dress up and/or get fierce because they want to. Some do it because they like attention. And I don’t see why either of those things is so fucking bad.
Because when boys seek out attention? They’re the lovable class clowns, the comedians in the gang, the bosses, the badasses. And when a girl acts up, she’s an attention whore, needy, and has no self-respect. Wanting to be the center of attention isn’t a gendered thing - it’s a goddamn personality trait.
So you can take your shitty double standards and shove ‘em.
had a conversation with my friend about this yesterday.
when you question how I can be both femme and agender, or tell me that being assigned female at birth and femme just means that I’m a woman, what you’re really saying is that there is a specific way one must perform a non-binary gender identity.
and this has little to do with how the individual feels and relates to their gender, and everything to do with how they are perceived.
THERE IS NO ONE WAY TO BE AGENDER.
if a cis man who is read as male were to wear lipstick, you’d say he was being subversive. he’s going against expectations. he’s “breaking out” of his gender role. but when a trans man is femme, you think that’s different (especially, especially if he isn’t perceived to be male). because your ideas about gender are narrowly defined. cis people are allowed (to an extent) to play with gender and express themselves, while binary trans people are expected to conform to rigid conceptions of male or female. and non-binary people don’t even factor into this equation.
so when you first start to learn about non-binary people, you may think a non-binary gender must fall in between “male” and “female” on some sort of scale. and that if a person is non-binary but perceived to be female, they need to butch it up; while if they are perceived as male, they need to be more effeminate. the overall goal of a non-binary person being: to fall in the middle. you think that’s what it feels like to be non-binary; to be in between. (hint: gender isn’t a scale)
you think because I identify as not having a gender, that somehow I must present in a way that will result in me not being gendered (impossible). you think that my goal should be to confuse people who will try to gender me based on my appearance, by not conforming to expectations for women since I was assigned to be one and am continually assigned female every day.
my femme identity means often meeting others’ expectations of how I will look and act, because I am perceived to be a woman. to you, this means I’m not authentically non-binary. but to me, the way that I present myself is the way that I feel comfortable. it is unrelated to what others expect of me. only when I started to let go of where I fit into the binary gender system did I start to make sense of myself; I don’t fit into it. but in a cissexist culture, the gender I am assigned every day is defined by how I exist in relation to that system. in other words: what looks “androgynous” is defined by the binary gender system.
my goal when I get dressed every day as an agender person is not to avoid being gendered when I am out in the world. the validity of my gender identity does not rest upon the ability of others to correctly assign my gender. my gender expression does not determine my gender identity.
there is more than one way to challenge the oppressive gender dichotomy. if the way I describe my gender confuses you, then how can you tell me i’m not subverting anything?
because it can be a way of describing & expressing who we are to ourselves and other people
the binary, coercively assigning people at birth, and oppressive gender roles
can kindly go awaybadly need to be challenged/critiqued/subverted/smashed for all the hurt they cause, and some people do not have a gender and/or do fine without using it for that
but to others it’s a fantastic personal tool when used the way they want and/or is part of who they are so as well as the language of gender being challenged so too should ‘radical’ dictats that people ‘should’ give gender up completely and uncritically
You can’t raise a little boy like he’s a girl,” I say. “He’ll grow up all confused. You have to instill in him right from birth that boys and girls are inherently different. If you don’t teach him that, he may never figure it out, and then what would happen?”
“Madness! Utter madness!” Michelle says. “It would be chaos! Boys and girls would have similar life goals! They’d treat each other as individuals instead of as potential mates or acquisitions! Could you imagine?”
“How would they know what to wear to prom?” Gilyan says. “How would they know who to fall in love with? They might be guided by their interests instead of societal norms!”
lockpick pornography - joey comeau
though there are nonbinaries, too.
I get this question a lot since I tend to roll with a gender rebel and abolitionist crowd. Usually asked pretty innocently enough, I don’t roll with people trying to play “gotcha” about me being trans, generally they ask because they wanna find a way they can help me and others hurt less in the long run.
There’s some trans people out there for whom most of the pain arises from simply not being accepted as who they are. Those folks would probably have an easier time in a society without gender terms, expectations or bodily associations.
But there’s a huge portion who are in pain (like myself) less because of society and more because our bodies just inexplicably feel wrong. Now, no doubt, people like me (for whom the identity came after the dissonance) are not intensely common either. In most cases it’s dual whammy of identity and bodily dissonance. A lot of people ask if, the bodily dissonance is coming from the identity not being accepted, then wouldn’t abolishing gender help? Probably in some cases. But not in all.
Cuz not everyone operates that way.
I stand as evidence that there are trans folk with bodily dissonance related to sexual characteristics that does not arise from social elements or even identity (which can arise from all sorts of stuff, not just social things). I would still change my body even in a genderless world. It would take a ton of pressure off me, remove a ton of reminders and simplify my life. But it wouldn’t help the bodily dissonance.
So folks gotta remember that. Reducing the effects of social gender is good but there will still be trans people who hurt. Don’t lump us.